Q: How many lawyers does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated
task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures
of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer",
and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light
Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation,
and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front
(north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area
just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning
of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option
of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required
by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but
not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool,
ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction
being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the
party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution
by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural
integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding
the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed
upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both
parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned
failure to perform and in such case the party of the first
part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural
failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as
the nonnegotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is
observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third
part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer)
shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable
state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party
of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb").
This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with
the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also
being non- negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at
the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said
party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns,
or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the
objective being to produce a level of illumination in the
immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door
consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the
party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm". |